Follow the accords and be respectful and supportive. Constructive criticism is helpful but you know the line.
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Follow the accords and be respectful and supportive. Constructive criticism is helpful but you know the line.
Feel free to post comment, compliments, or critiques about the story. I can't guarantee I'll always follow your advice, as I am the final authority on where this story goes, but the more activity you guys post here, the more likely I'll want to write more. (It's always fun to see that people like your work, after all.)
Andimion, am I going to be able to post in my own closed topics, or be a moderator here?
I made you mod of this sub forum. Please make sure you close all your story posts so that nobody can post and ruin them.
You can do it in 1 of 2 ways. Either just post in that one topic, or create a new topic with a number progression system so people know the start from the finish. 1-100 You know what I mean.
I'll keep posting in that topic, and ask that everyone post their comments and stuff here. I definitely like the encouragement.
So guys...
What did you think?
I LOVE YOUR STORY.
Especially since my character is finally approved. :)
Your character is officially part of BLUE Squad (As I've called them for now.)
They're one of the main antagonists for a good bit of the story (Possibly all.)
When Delta regroups, prepare for some serious firefighting. The last bit was all about the backstory. This next bit, will be about some combat. I won't be using Andimion's perspective for the whole story. It's going to move around as I keep writing, so expect to see all of your character's perspective at some point.
Good idea on the multiple perspectives. Personally, these are my favorite kinds of stories. I am retiring for the night, so see you all tomorrow.
Angel, you should make a topic to apply to be in the story. Make in your primary post a list of all the people and their abilities. Make the bios a different post. Or do it how ever you want really. Its up to you.
I plan on having a topic of all the stuff you guys had for your characters, and my justifications for your abilities, and who is in what squad etc. I'm working on that now
Maybe ill draw you like a book cover haha just for shits n gigs.
I've been dabbling in digital art for the past month of so.
Dude that would be tight!
30 minutes or so of doodling.
http://img843.imageshack.us/img843/9408/roughdrafts.jpg
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Need something fixed. My charecters name is Sev not Shev.
Aside from that I enjoyed it. keep on goin home slice.
*High Fives WsAngel*
You just won the game. Congratulations.
It was well written and honestly seems pretty badass. To me I picture a WWII scene only with Top Secret projects being used.
Very nice, Angel.
However, I would probably introduce a "Featured" section in each posting you make to show who is who.
EX: Andimion as Andimion; EriRI as Eric; etc.
how often can we expect a new entry Angel???
Im pretty sure, other than a select few.. Your going to know who is who. Loco and and a few others would require that kind of background.
hehe. My name is Jacob "Bacon" Hogg :D
Advice? Add a character list section as Maxdoggy said. Otherwise, good writing.
~Kuhblam
Understandable
Really don't know why this has its own forum.
I like having my own forum for it though. It'll allow me to have separate topics for you guys to read for the character list and plot summary and whatnot.
Meh, was just saying Deadite; not a big deal. Already edited out that part from the post.
~Kuhblam
I enjoyed the good read, I really like how the story is going. Continue the good work!
Hey Red, if you would like, Im sorry I skimped out on my personality section for my character, honestly it was late and I was just trying to get my character in before you might say "no more characters allowed." So if you'd like, I can elaborate on some stuff for ya.
Quote:
Hey Red, if you would like, Im sorry I skimped out on my personality section for my character, honestly it was late and I was just trying to get my character in before you might say "no more characters allowed." So if you'd like, I can elaborate on some stuff for ya.
You're certainly welcome to do that. I'm going to be pulling up a master list for all the info you guys will need for the story tonight. I'll get in some writing too, so you'll possibly be getting a second installment.
I look forward to the well organized Character and bio section of your story.
@Deadite, I made the subforum in a creative writing section. Its perfectly aloud and doesnt make any un needed posts. I will happily make a section for anyone writing something and wish it to be cataloged and on the site.
First I want to say this an amazing story and I can't wait to read more of it. I also want to ask something about the story though just so I know for sure. In the story you mentioned a BLUE spartan that shot lightning. Is this ThatRussianBear's character because I remember in the thread about our characters you mentioned giving him the power of electricity.
Chill, I'm just saying, since Ol' Boy in the story got Shanked, I would doubt it was Bear's character. But thats just me.
That was Russian's character. He's still alive after all, don't forget that. Spartans don't go down THAT easy, Red or Blue.
KA-SHANK
WIP
http://img811.imageshack.us/img811/3833/roughdraft.jpg
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That's pretty good Deadite. Can't wait to see the finished product.
Almost done!
http://img26.imageshack.us/img26/212/fcsaga.jpg
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I NEEDZ MAH NEW UPDATE.
Are you at least CLOSE to the new chapter??
You mean the chapter I just put up?
Yes, I think I am.
:)
That was another great chapter. Got to see some great conflict between the two sides. Now I want to keep reading more but I have to wait again.
That was awesome, another great entry!
If I could, I would give you a round of applause.
*Claps unendingly*
Any estimate as to when the new chapter's coming out?
Dude I just posted it this morning. I don't exactly bleed stories out. (Though, if I did, I'd SO be emo.)
I'm going to start writing the next one now, but idk exactly when it'll be out. Post your theories as to what it will hold inside
Should be fun
As you haven't realized I'm incredibly impatient, and you're a good writer.
Soooooo ya, I'll be waiting.
Can I ask for a favor Angel. Would you kindly allow me to proof read and make any spelling/grammatic editing required. To both chapters.
Yeah that's definitely fine. I don't have time to go back over what I write, at the rate these guys are demanding it. I just write and post.
There is no problem at all. All writers make mistakes. It's just these small ones that jump out and pick at me.. -_-' For now on ill be editing any errors as I read them. So if you see my name as last edited by, dont freak out.
That's fine.
Feel free to tell me what you thought about the the content too.
Another great entry. The flow of things is great and the battle scenes are intense. Couple questions though, Would you mind to elaborate on who was who with the BLUE spartans? I was slightly confused when they were introduced.
Hah! Eri, Loco, Agamemnon and Aftershock having trouble with 3 blue Spartans! Thats a knee slapper!
Installments 1 and 2 both proof read for grammar and spelling. Let me know if I missed something.
Also, Angel. As an english major I feel the need to point out slight holes in your story.
#1
The original Blue Special troop count was 3. The spartan's Andimion encountered and fled from. Then the Colonel and Eric encounter the same spartans. Eric is blown through the walls and is now out side, followed by the spartan that blew him through it. Andimion intervenes and saves Eric and combats the explosive spartan ( who im pretty much sure is Dinner, correct? ) so as Andimion is occupied Eric is flanked by another spartan, who we all were assuming was another 1 of the 3 spartans that were the initial counter group.
Thats 2 spartans no longer in the command center with the Colonel. Now Omega shows up and sees the Colonel get blown through another wall. He then explains that there are 3 tangos inside, and 1 engaging Eric around the other side in the trenches. You just magic spawned 2 spartans from thin air.
#2
The original objective of Delta was to shut down the anti air batteries that were hammering the UNSC air out of the sky. The objective was lost in sections and caused confusion for readers who were paying attention. The time when the Hornets launched the salvo at Omega, the complained about Delta not shutting them down.
Why would enemy Anti-Air be a problem with the enemy air as well. The only loophole I can see is that the Enemy anti air is preventing the UNSC air from dog fighting the enemy in the air and preventing those Hornets from attacking ground troops. But that wasnt part of the objective.
Thats all I have to say. The story is great and I really enjoy it. Just try and prevent holes in your story. =P
I don't think you guys got your butt kicked. Yeah, you got tossed out of a bunker, but you got right back up didn't you? Andimion pretty much did fine.
Well, anyway, wait til' you see the rematch. None of the squads have really been present for a full-on fight.
Andimion, your troop count is incorrect. (This may be my fault though.)
The two people that were encountered in the first installment are not encountered at all in the second one. Andimion retreated from those two, and what they did is unknown to the Imperial guys. Those two were Sam and Allan Harrison
The three encountered in this were the rest of the Blue Bravo Squad. The light green Spartan is Bacon, the Sky Blue Spartan is Victor. The guy wearing a cutdown version of MJOLNIR is Lucius Black, which was why he could keep up with Loco.
Just to clarify, the command center and the anti-air gun bunker are in two different locations. I'll try to keep you guys informed on all that stuff. I'll update the bio's with armor colors and stuff like that.
Dinner's character hasn't been seen yet. If he did, you would know.
Mini nuke.. Sounds so retarded..
I kind of envisioned him as being one of those guys that you hear about a lot in the story, but you don't actually face off til the end or something like that. Otherwise it would just be too cheap and pointless.
Having him a ship-killer though, that gives another reason as to why the Empire has lost so much ground to the Brotherhood, which is what I wanted to do.
The whole mini-nuke in itself seems to be a kind of pat down way of describing dinner's power, the way I see it.
I believe, from what i've read in its entirety, it's supposed to be some sort of huge ass energy pulsation similar to the one seen on the blue spartan that wrecked Eric. Except on a much larger scale, and with more explosives. Lots of explosives.
Anyways I forgot to give you a compliment on the battles in the stories. Awesome job! Whenever I read them I always end up with cliche's like...."he shot him, and proceeded to dive to cover. He then shot back"......Great descriptiveness....ocity. ..thing....mabob....the batman symbol.
But yeah honestly this is looking up to be an awesome tale :) Keep up the good work.
Ok done with the cover, loved the new entry.
http://img689.imageshack.us/img689/212/fcsaga.jpg
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and the MI had mini nukes!
Very nice, good sir!
(Which good sir am I talking about? Why, both of you, d3ad1te and Angel both!)
I don't know if you are going to be adding more Dead1te but it looks really good.
I definitely like the final version of the cover.
The new entry will likely be posted Saturday. I'll be writing it while practicing on Halo for the battles next Sunday. (That's right, I'm fighting.)
I'm pretty sure we figured that....
Well, I'm spending tonight and most of tomorrow doing nothing but schoolwork. (No sleep... At all.)
During that time, I'll also be packing, doing two major exams, printing out roughly sixty sheets of paper, and cleaning my room of all dust since I'm checking out of it on Friday. I get home on Friday, and I'll be unpacking that night. Saturday is devoted to video games and writing, so that will be when you get the next installment. (It's not due to apathy, I promise.)
No, I meant no surprise that you're fighting XD
What, were you just going to sit on the sidelines and watch? That's no fun, so Its assumed you're fighting as well as all that other shit in your life. No sarcasm intended XD
Are we to expect a new addition to your story soon?
Soon, very soon. The semester is over and I've got four weeks of break. I expect that part one of the saga will be complete by the end of those four weeks. At least three characters will meet their end by that time. You are welcome to guess who, and how.
better not be me my character is too awesomesauce
Well went it comes to death and Loco something very stupid happens thats ends up killing me (that goes for all types of video games)
I'll be in the middle of a battle, about to kill a very important enemy...then thats when it happens. an asteroid lands directly on top of me.
How's my aim?
I hope my character doesnt die.. Im in need of a good distraction and this story did a good fair job of that..
DONT KILL THE CHILDREN!!!!!!! (Or child in this case....)
You guys are just going to have to wait. I think I've picked my favorite four characters, and those four characters will not die in the story, but you guys don't know which ones they are. (I've use one as a perspective so far, the others I've used as a perspective are not in my top list.)
New installment shall be up either Wednesday night, or Thursday midday.
I don't mean to be a bother but I was just curious as to when the next part was going to be up. You said late wednesday or mid thrusday and it is now friday. if your still working on it thats fine I was just hoping for an update on the progress.
^ What he said. I require a fair piece of literature.
I require moar facepunching for my character.
Sorry guys, I'm going to have to confess that I've been taken up with summer. See, I spend all semester being busy, trying to publish my novel, writing another novel, and all the extra crap in between. Now that all of that is over, I LOVE playing xbox.
I'm writing it all out now, so it should be up soon. (I won't make the mistake of saying WHEN, because idk how soon that shall actually be. Thanks for your patience!)
well don't say thanks for being patient yet, I have been searching about 3 times a day on the forums to see if the next part is up. hopefully it comes up soon but take your time so its as good as the first two
It's probably going to be tonight. I've been writing a good bit, and it looks to be over eight pages in length. Be checking for it
Looks like REDD team is in the shitter! /rim-shot'd
another great part, may not be as action fileld but i liked it. got to see what the REDDs are planning for the future. I wonder if it will all go the way they want it to...
Interesting.....I too share the ideal of travelling through a sewer pipe......
Yes, you have a world filled of sewer humor for jokes. Use it.
I love the story so far, can't wait to read more.
My over-all opinion is very good, I can't really spot any mistakes or things that don't make sense.
I agree with Eagle. I do think that WE SHOULD HAVE MoRE ENTRIES!!!!
Lol Jk take your time angel
I know it may seem like im bugging a lot about this but how is the next part of the story coming along? I know a lot of a stuff has been going on recently in the community so im not even sure if you've had time to continue writing yet. So hopefully we can get an update soon?
RAWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRR UPDATE BLARRRRGGGGG
We need to keep this on the front page so Angel can see it.
*Waits*
Wow, right when the story was getting good too....
Hopefully in the next part we get to see more of the battles instead of a sewage drain almost taking out the REDDs
I just read the whole thing because of these posts and i thought it was amazing, but then it stoped.
yes the story has been amazing, thats why we have been trying to find out when the next part will come out
Things to be posted today:
Story updating schedule- A schedule that you all can keep me accountable on.
Story Item Database Topic- A topic featuring each and every weapon and vehicle used in the story, and which side utilizes them. A back story as to why those are being used by a faction will be included.
If I find new weapons that people have created online that I like, I'll add them as well.
Story so far topic- I will post and update summaries of the story for new readers, or old readers who need a refresher on the story.
Update Character Info Topic- I'll update the topic to include personalities, pictures, and favorite tactics.
Location Index- A topic featuring each major location mentioned in the story and the story behind each location.
Any other suggestions?
Sweet, glad you are starting this story up again Angel.
I remember you started this when I first joined the community.
Quote:
I remember you started this when I first joined the community.
And we've come full circle again. With all the crazy/disruptive things going on in the community now, I figured it was time to revitalize this.
Well, we're all glad you did. So, what are we gonna do with the people's characters who've left?
They will stay in the story, though I'm always open to new ideas as long as you guys keep feeding them to me. So far, I've already gotten a few deaths planned, but they were going to happen anyway.Quote:
Well, we're all glad you did. So, what are we gonna do with the people's characters who've left?
I love being the Omega of the Spartans xD
So, I know you probably get tired of this, but when can we expect everything to be up? I gotta do an English paper, so I'll just get to that.
I'd say I'll get the new topics up today, and fix the original posts with the new details and names for all the weaponry and vehicles.
By Wednesday evening, you should get a new post. Whether that happens tomorrow or Wednesday is just dependent on my time.
Yes Verboten, you are the Omega, but that can backfire just as much as it can help. Imagine if you tried to mimic one of the AI or nanobot characters, or the Forerunner Combat skin that Victor wears, or if you copied Loco's character's powers for too long?
Haha well thanks for spoiling how I will most likely be dying =P