I Can't Stand This Guy Anymore

**Jam Cliché** · 03-21-2013, 08:27 AM

I've been debating with myself over the last few weeks whether or not I should write this letter. Obviously, I outvoted myself and wrote it. I concluded I absolutely had to tell you that Col. Anarchy's tyrannical demands will lead to worldwide financial collapse one of these days. As I elaborate on that concept throughout this letter I will use only simple words and language so that even a child can understand my message. Yes, even a child should know that there's something I've observed about Col. Anarchy. Namely, he may not know how to spell "philoprogenitiveness ", but he really knows how to remove society's moral barriers and allow perversion to prosper. I've further observed that besides being thoroughly offensive and abusive, Col. Anarchy's ruminations are seriously defamatory. I submit that everyone should stop and mull that assertion. Then, people will understand why Col. Anarchy's favorite buzzword these days is "crisis". He likes to tell us that we have a crisis on our hands. He then argues that the only reasonable approach to combat this crisis is for him to create profound emotional distress for people on both sides of the issue. In my opinion, the real crisis is the dearth of people who understand that Col. Anarchy's language is turgid and incomprehensible. There are important lessons in that, even apart from another reminder that Col. Anarchy preys on the rebellious and disenfranchised, tricking them into joining his cabal. Their first assignment usually involves fostering and intensifying Col. Anarchy's drug-drenched drama of immorality. The lesson to draw from this is that we must give parents the means to protect their children. This call to action begins with you. You must be the first to improve the living conditions of the most vulnerable in our society—the sick, the old, the disabled, the unemployed, and our youth—all of whose lives are made miserable by Anarchy. You must be the one to introduce an important but underrepresented angle on Col. Anarchy's childish assertions. And you must inform your fellow man that there are certainly signs that Col. Anarchy is becoming increasingly daffy. That conclusion is not based on some sort of appalling, huffy philosophy or on Col. Anarchy-style mental masturbation, but on widely known and proven principles of science. These principles explain that I can reword my point as follows. Col. Anarchy's anecdotes are about as useful to society as a hundred deutsche marks were in 1923 Germany.

Col. Anarchy periodically puts up a façade of reform. However, underneath the pretty surface, it's always business as usual. Pardon my saying so, but he took the dark art of yellow journalism to a new low with his despicably biased reporting of how society is screaming for his prevarications. Now that last statement is a bit of an oversimplification, an overgeneralization. But it is nevertheless substantially true.

Don't get me wrong; I can't count the number of times I've wanted to take advantage of a rare opportunity to deal with Col. Anarchy's deceitful bunco games on a case-by-case basis. But I am not concerned with rumors or hearsay about Col. Anarchy. I am interested only in ascertained facts attested by published documents and in these primarily as an illustration that Col. Anarchy uses highfalutin terms like "ultraphotomicrograph " and "saccharomucilaginous " to conceal his plans to tell us how to live, what to say, what to think, what to know, and—most importantly—what not to know. In this scheme of his, a mass of grandiloquent words falls upon the facts like soft snow, blurring the outlines and covering up all the details. We become unable to see that Col. Anarchy needs to stop living in denial. He needs to wake up and realize that he makes it sound like children should belong to the state. That's the rankest sort of pretense I've ever heard. The reality is that some people believe that one day Col. Anarchy's emissaries will expose injustice and puncture prejudice. Such people are doomed to disappointment, especially when one considers that Col. Anarchy says that he's a saintly figure—philanthropic, noble, and wise. What he means by this, of course, is that he wants free reign to pander to our worst fears.

When I was little, my father would sometimes pick me up, put me on his knee, and say "The truths that I've been rubbing in the faces of ill-natured dimbulbs—truths that they clearly don't want to see—are in fact truths." Col. Anarchy truly believes that anyone who resists him deserves to be crushed. It is just such imperious, unsavory megalomania, hate-filled egoism, and intellectual aberrancy that stirs Col. Anarchy to use our weaknesses to his advantage.

While I can't speak for anyone else, I believe that Col. Anarchy drops the names of famous people whenever possible. That makes him sound smarter than he really is and obscures the fact that Col. Anarchy's adulators all look like Col. Anarchy, think like Col. Anarchy, act like Col. Anarchy, and quote me out of context, just like Col. Anarchy does. And all this in the name of—let me see if I can get their propaganda straight—brotherhood and service. Ha! I could go on and on about his special form of paternalism, but you get the general idea. Some day, I want to expose the connections between the carnaptious problems that face us and the key issues of conspiracism and Zendicism. But you don't have to wait for that. What you can do now is talk to everyone you know about the things I've told you in this letter. Use every medium available to you. Use the Internet. Use your telephone. Use radio and newspapers. And whatever you do, never be afraid to speak out against the evil that is Col. Anarchy.