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  1. #41
    Forerunner of Fire and Divinity PhoenixPrime's Avatar
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    Re: Story Open Convo

    Dude I just posted it this morning. I don't exactly bleed stories out. (Though, if I did, I'd SO be emo.)


    I'm going to start writing the next one now, but idk exactly when it'll be out. Post your theories as to what it will hold inside

    Should be fun




    "You must begin by gaining power over yourself; then another; then a group, an order, a world, a species, a group of species; finally, the galaxy itself."

    Monday: 4:30-6:30
    Tuesday: 8:00-6:00
    Wednesday: 4:30-6:30
    Thursday: 8:00-11:30 & 3:00-6:30
    Friday: 9:30-6:30

  2. #42
    Senior Citizen Hazy's Avatar
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    Re: Story Open Convo

    As you haven't realized I'm incredibly impatient, and you're a good writer.

    Soooooo ya, I'll be waiting.
    An actual quote about me below the sig? Too mainstream. You get a unicorn instead.

  3. #43
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    Re: Story Open Convo

    Can I ask for a favor Angel. Would you kindly allow me to proof read and make any spelling/grammatic editing required. To both chapters.


  4. #44
    Forerunner of Fire and Divinity PhoenixPrime's Avatar
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    Re: Story Open Convo

    Yeah that's definitely fine. I don't have time to go back over what I write, at the rate these guys are demanding it. I just write and post.




    "You must begin by gaining power over yourself; then another; then a group, an order, a world, a species, a group of species; finally, the galaxy itself."

    Monday: 4:30-6:30
    Tuesday: 8:00-6:00
    Wednesday: 4:30-6:30
    Thursday: 8:00-11:30 & 3:00-6:30
    Friday: 9:30-6:30

  5. #45
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    Re: Story Open Convo

    There is no problem at all. All writers make mistakes. It's just these small ones that jump out and pick at me.. -_-' For now on ill be editing any errors as I read them. So if you see my name as last edited by, dont freak out.


  6. #46
    Forerunner of Fire and Divinity PhoenixPrime's Avatar
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    Re: Story Open Convo

    That's fine.


    Feel free to tell me what you thought about the the content too.




    "You must begin by gaining power over yourself; then another; then a group, an order, a world, a species, a group of species; finally, the galaxy itself."

    Monday: 4:30-6:30
    Tuesday: 8:00-6:00
    Wednesday: 4:30-6:30
    Thursday: 8:00-11:30 & 3:00-6:30
    Friday: 9:30-6:30

  7. #47
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    Re: Story Open Convo

    Another great entry. The flow of things is great and the battle scenes are intense. Couple questions though, Would you mind to elaborate on who was who with the BLUE spartans? I was slightly confused when they were introduced.

    Quote Originally Posted by RaZ Vader View Post
    "Yes, WoW will die, alongside those rebel scum."

  8. #48
    LocoCrazy
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    Re: Story Open Convo

    Hah! Eri, Loco, Agamemnon and Aftershock having trouble with 3 blue Spartans! Thats a knee slapper!

  9. #49
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    Re: Story Open Convo

    Installments 1 and 2 both proof read for grammar and spelling. Let me know if I missed something.

    Also, Angel. As an english major I feel the need to point out slight holes in your story.

    #1

    The original Blue Special troop count was 3. The spartan's Andimion encountered and fled from. Then the Colonel and Eric encounter the same spartans. Eric is blown through the walls and is now out side, followed by the spartan that blew him through it. Andimion intervenes and saves Eric and combats the explosive spartan ( who im pretty much sure is Dinner, correct? ) so as Andimion is occupied Eric is flanked by another spartan, who we all were assuming was another 1 of the 3 spartans that were the initial counter group.

    Thats 2 spartans no longer in the command center with the Colonel. Now Omega shows up and sees the Colonel get blown through another wall. He then explains that there are 3 tangos inside, and 1 engaging Eric around the other side in the trenches. You just magic spawned 2 spartans from thin air.

    #2

    The original objective of Delta was to shut down the anti air batteries that were hammering the UNSC air out of the sky. The objective was lost in sections and caused confusion for readers who were paying attention. The time when the Hornets launched the salvo at Omega, the complained about Delta not shutting them down.

    Why would enemy Anti-Air be a problem with the enemy air as well. The only loophole I can see is that the Enemy anti air is preventing the UNSC air from dog fighting the enemy in the air and preventing those Hornets from attacking ground troops. But that wasnt part of the objective.


    Thats all I have to say. The story is great and I really enjoy it. Just try and prevent holes in your story.


  10. #50
    Forerunner of Fire and Divinity PhoenixPrime's Avatar
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    Re: Story Open Convo

    I don't think you guys got your butt kicked. Yeah, you got tossed out of a bunker, but you got right back up didn't you? Andimion pretty much did fine.



    Well, anyway, wait til' you see the rematch. None of the squads have really been present for a full-on fight.




    "You must begin by gaining power over yourself; then another; then a group, an order, a world, a species, a group of species; finally, the galaxy itself."

    Monday: 4:30-6:30
    Tuesday: 8:00-6:00
    Wednesday: 4:30-6:30
    Thursday: 8:00-11:30 & 3:00-6:30
    Friday: 9:30-6:30

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